By David G. Firestone
So, I was going to talk about this sometime later. However circumstances made me accelerate this story. Yesterday, I went to the grocery store for food, as one does, and I noticed that the entire deli section was down. It was the result of an issue with internal systems. I wasn’t really in the market for cold cuts, so it didn’t affect me.
I had gone down a bit of a rabbit hole these last few weeks. Growing up, whenever our family had cold cuts, we ALWAYS went the deli section. I can never remember prepackaged cold cuts in out house, or if we had sandwiches made on a trip. My parents, even to this day, will ALWAYS get fresh cut cold cuts from the deli. To me, it really doesn’t make that much of a difference.
One other brand that my family never had growing was Oscar Mayer. If we had hot dogs, we always went with Vienna Beef or Best Kosher, we are in Chicago. I really didn’t eat hot dogs for almost 10 years, after some really awful turkey dogs made me sick. I also can’t remember us ever having Oscar Mayer in our house.
Apparently, I really missed out. During the 1970’s to the 2000’s, Oscar Mayer had a line of lunch meats that they were trying to market as “upscale.” To me, some of them, like Beef Cotto Salami, and New England Brand Sausage sound kind of good. But then there are the loaves. I’m not against meat in a loaf form, I do love me some meatloaf. Cold cuts with the name “loaf” just sounds awful to me. While there are some loaves still being made, most of the Oscar Mayer loaves just sound awful. These are some of the loaves that were marketed in that time:
-Bar-B-Q Loaf
-Ham and Cheese Loaf
-Honey Loaf
-Jellied Corned Beef Loaf
-Luxury Loaf
-Old Fashioned Loaf
-Olive Loaf
-Peppered Loaf
-Pickle & Pimiento Loaf
-Picnic Loaf
I will admit that Bar-B-Q Loaf, Luxury Loaf, Old Fashioned Loaf, Peppered Loaf, Picnic Loaf do kind of sound interesting, but Ham and Cheese Loaf, Olive Loaf, and Pickle & Pimiento Loaf sound kind of off-putting. Here are the descriptions that I was able to find on these loaves:
-Old Fashioned Loaf,Picnic Loaf,Peppered Loaf,Honey Loaf
-A blended cold cut made from a combination of finely minced meats (typically pork, chicken, and beef) and seasonings, pressed into a rectangular loaf shape easy for slicing and sandwich-making.
-Bar-B-Q Loaf
-A sweet and tangy cold cut featuring notes of brown sugar, honey, smoked paprika, and garlic. Looked similar to processed ham or square lunch meats with thin swirls of fat, but with hidden barbecue seasoning mixed directly into the meat rather than visible chunks.
-Luxury Loaf
-Made from a finely ground molded mix of pork, beef, and chicken. Modeled after the traditional German and Bavarian meatloaf known as leberkäse (liver cheese), though it was positioned as a deluxe lunchbox option in the US rather than a high-end gourmet item.
But the grosses sounding loaf? That honor goes to Jellied Corned Beef Loaf. First off, the name alone just sounds gross. I like corned beef, I recently had an amazing corned beef and pastrami sandwich at Mensch’s Deli in Evanston. I might be able to stomach a corned beef loaf, but a jellied corned beef loaf as a name is off putting.
But aside from the name, how did it look and taste? Well, this is the description from Google:
“Jellied Corned Beef Loaf-A deep-pink meat loaf speckled with spices and glistening bits of savory jelly. Designed to lock in the rich, fatty flavors of slow-cooked corned beef in a cold-set slice.”
Look, I love corned beef, but there hasn’t been enough money minted in the course of human history that would convince me to try it, let alone eat it on a regular basis. While there were other products in this line, no other product sounded as awful as Jellied Corned Beef Loaf. I would be willing to try any other Oscar Meyer loaf once, but I was so repulsed at Jellied Corned Beef Loaf, I would get sick at the sight.
So that was an interesting rabbit hole to go down, but hopefully, I’ll have some cold cuts next week.
