My Thoughts on Why Malls Suck

By David G. Firestone

Recently, I decided to go to a mall in Schaumburg, to redeen a few free coupons I had. I hadn’t been to the mall in some time. After walking around the mall for a while, I realized why I don’t go to malls anymore. Malls annoy me on a profound level. Sometimes it’s the people, sometimes it’s other things. I’ve done mall rants before, but I’ll do one now, all original gripes.

*How much demand is there that an entire store devoted to Alpaca made products exists?

*There are a total of 3 stores devoted to either LEGO or LEGO ripoffs.

*Why is the mall playing Christmas music ON JANUARY 7, please? The only store that should be playing Christmas music is the Christmas store that’s going out of business.

*Speaking of the Christmas store music, dubstep Christmas music should NOT exist!!!

*Also, to the Christmas store, I can buy a full-size street light for a lot less than the one you are selling, and I can add my own fake snow and still save money.

*When it comes to Teavania closing, I don’t feel bad. I know they were full of shit when they claimed that they offered me a free sample of what they claimed was “the rarest tea in the world.”

*I’m wearing a NASCAR jacket, and an NHRA hat, I do NOT want a mani pedi.

*To the store that has a sale logo inside a disco ball…that’s actually pretty cool. I would have never thought of that, and it looks awesome.

*Dear Panda Express, if I’m eating in a closed restaurant across the hall from you, I DO NOT WANT TO SMELL YOUR ORANGE CHICKEN!!!!!

*It’s nice to know that a mall that has been around since 1971 is finally getting a food court in 2018. Why did it take that long to install something that has come standard in every other mall everywhere has ever had.

*If you are over the age of 12, you should not be wearing LED shoes, unless you are the person selling them.

*You are the ones who named your restaurant “Kin Fork,” so don’t be surprised when I quip “Kin fork said Jed move away from there.”

*Why the fuck is the hot sauce store selling balloon animals?

*It doesn’t look suspicious when a man walks into a woman’s bathing suit store by himself…not at all.

*Dear males over the age of 12, there is NO REASON to walk into a Hot Topic store.

*Forgive me for wondering about the quality of macaroons sold in a mall kiosk…Mall kiosks are not exactly world renowned for quality.

*So apparently there is such a demand for pretzels, that there are three different stores that sell them, two of them the same company…

*Michael Jordan has his own store, and it doesn’t have that much stuff in it.

*It shouldn’t be this hard to find a bathroom. WHY DO YOU ONLY HAVE THREE BATHROOMS?

I’m sorry I went, and I won’t go back for a while.

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My Thoughts On Some Off-Season News Stories

By David G. Firestone

For my first My Thoughts On for 2018, I’m going to focus on some news stories and other things that got my attention while I was on sabbatical.

The big story, at least to me is the indication that the NHRA is throwing in the towel on Pro Stock. It was announced that starting in 2018, any legal body may be used with any legal engine. This goes against one of the principal rules of the category, where the engine and body must be made n the same place. In short, a Chevy engine could be used in a Dodge, or a Ford, and vise versa.

If destroying one of the core tenants of a specific category to boost competition isn’t a move of desperation, I’m not sure what is. The NHRA is trying to extinguish a tire fire they themselves started, and now they are resorting to extreme measures. It may actually work in the long run, but it’s not a good look for a category that has been thrown to the wolves for two years.

While we are on the subject of the NHRA, there was an article by NBC Sports’ Jerry Bonkowski concerning changes that he thinks need to be made by 2019, when John Force’s contracts will expire, and he turns 70.

He makes some valid points, but a couple of points that he makes seem tone-deaf at least to me. For example: “Do we REALLY need three-day pro race weekends? Do Top Fuel, Funny Car and Pro Stock teams REALLY need four qualifying passes (typically two on Friday and two others on Saturday) in every national event weekend?”

Yes Jerry, we do. Remember that fans go to national events to watch their favorite drivers race. The two passes bring and keep fans in the stands. I’m not going to pay $50 for a ticket to see the national drivers and only watch them race once on a Saturday afternoon, and I’m not the only person who thinks this way.

Here is another gem: “Plus, the NHRA’s old business model of mixing the pro ranks with sportsman classes simply isn’t working any more. Don’t believe me? Have you been to a NHRA national event over the last few years? What happens when the pros finish up a particular round and hand the track over to the sportsman drivers?

Answer: the stands typically empty by at least half. Usually the only folks left in the stands are either fans or friends of some of the sportsman drivers. When the sportsman drivers attempt to show their skills, most other fans go out to the food court or product midway. Sure, those racing fans eventually go back to the stands, but usually not until the next pro round of qualifying or eliminations.”

According to Jerry’s “logic” I paid for my ticket, but I’m not allowed to do what I want when I go to a national event. I’ll check out the sportsman categories, but if I want to get something to eat, or buy some stuff, or go to the bathroom, I’ll do it during the sportsman categories.

Also, if you take the two points he made above into consideration, splitting the sportsman from professional categories, and reducing the number of runs,, going to a national event wouldn’t be worth the time or effort. Sure Sunday would be fun, but Saturday would be slow. Also, what would happen between rounds? What would be done to keep the racing fans attention? I don’t see this working out well.

Moving on to Danica Patrick. Danica announced that she will run the Daytona 500, and the Indy 500 in 2018, and then she will retire. This was followed by an article on IndyCar’s website about how she should be sent off with appreciation, not troll comments.

Reading the article, it’s clear the author, Jeff Olson, is a Danica fanboy, and he doesn’t like that people say bad things about her. He tries to compare the achievements of Brittany Force, Shirley Muldowney, Hellé Nice, Pat Moss, and Michele Mouton, to Danica Patrick. Here’s the difference between them and Danica, every other woman has found success by winning, as opposed to crashing, and racing in the mid-pack. Danica Patrick was always more hype than talent, and as a result, fanboys like him think she is better than she could ever be.

Here is a line from the end of his fanboy rant: “Someday, a woman will win consistently in motorsports. She’ll win multiple championships. She’ll drive for the best teams, race the best cars and beat the best competition. Hopefully when that day comes, gender won’t define her. She’ll simply be a racer.” Have you paid any attention to the NHRA in the past few years? In the NHRA Mello Yello Drag Series, between the 1976-2017, women have won 145 national events and nine championships in four categories:

Shirley Muldowney-TF-18 wins-3 championships

Lucille Lee-TF-1 win

Lori Johns-TF-4 wins

Shelly Anderson-TF-5 wins

Angelle Sampey-PSM-42 wins, 3 championships

Cristen Powell-TF-1 win

Karen Stoffer-PSM-8 wins

Melanie Troxel-TF/FC 5 wins

Peggy Llewellyn-PSM-1 win

Ashley Force Hood-FC-4 wins

Hillary Will-TF-1 win

Erica Enders‐Stevens-PS-23 wins, 2 championships

Courtney Force-FC-9 wins

Angie Smith-PSM-1 win

Alexis DeJoria-FC-7 wins,

Brittany Force-FC-7 wins, 1 championship

Leah Pritchett-FC-5 wins.

If Jeff Olson did more than five minutes of research, he would have realized that women are very well established in the NHRA, and that’s just the top 4. He mentioned Brittany Force and Shirley Muldowney, but failed to mention any other woman in the NHRA. How could you not even mention Peggy Llewellyn, the first woman of color to win in the NHRA? He’s a fanboy, and he is upset that the public doesn’t respect his driver.

Fanboys annoy me on a profound level. Let me be clear here, there are differences between fans and fanboys. A fan is someone who roots for a certain driver, but is able to understand that said driver isn’t always going to win. Fanboys worship their driver, and whenever they don’t win, they can’t stand it. Their favorite driver is the best driver, and nothing can convince them otherwise.

Some of Matt Kenseth’s fanboys really got on my nerves at the end of the season last year. Many of them were up in arms because Dale Jr. was getting a bigger sendoff. First off, at the beginning of the season, nobody knew that Kenseth would retire. Second off, Dale Jr. getting a bigger send off than Matt Kenseth is for one simple reason: merchandise sales. Dale Jr. was always the big guy at the merch table. Of the 10 best selling die casts, 5 of them were Dale Jr. cars. Matt Kenseth didn’t make the top 10. Kenseth also didn’t make the top 10 in terms of top selling drivers.

Dale Jr. is to racing what Hulk Hogan was to wrestling. Kenseth is more along the lines of Bret Hart. Kenseth and Hart were more skilled in their respective careers, but Dale Jr. and Hogan were more popular, and sold more merchandise. NASCAR celebrated their most profitable driver, because, in the end, they are out to make money. Kenseth is a better driver than Dale, Dale sold more merchandise, that’s why Dale got the big sendoff. That’s why fanboys are aggravating.

That’s enough for now, I’ll be back next week.

My Thoughts on 2017

By David G. Firestone

The 2017 racing season is behind us. We’ve all watched racing and we enjoyed it. We had highs, we had lows. We laughed, we cried, we yelled in anger, and we yelled in joy. We are racing fans, and we love watching racing.

Some of the observations I’ve made I’ve discussed here on The Driver Suit Blog, but some things I haven’t. So before I take my December sabbatical, I have a few things to discuss. I’ve been waiting for the season to end to discuss some things.

First off, I’m a fan of the NASCAR Playoff system, I know many people aren’t. But the bracket system keeps the pressure on the drivers to perform. The final race of the season has 4 different drivers who can win the championship. That final race is pressure packed, and the best driver won. Martin Truex Jr. won 8 races, including the final race and the Championship.

I was wondering who would win the Xfinity Series Championship, and it was William Byron. This does not bode well for his Cup career. Historically, drivers who perform well in the Xfinity Series will come to the Cup Series and flame out. This list includes David Green, Steve Grissom, Joe Nemechek, Randy LaJoie, and Johnny Benson. Martin Truex Jr. is the second driver to win the Cup championship after winning the Xfinity Series championship before he was an established Cup star.

Ford pulling out of the NHRA to focus on other racing series was a really dumb move, especially since Chevy won all three Mello Yello Drag Racing Series four-wheeled championships. They also came up short in NASCAR and the WeatherTech Sports Car Championship. Ford made a really bad decision in this respect, and I hope their racing division is proud of themselves.

If you aren’t familiar with Bill Burr, that’s a shame. He’s a Boston-based comic who watches Formula 1. He did a podcast where he discusses his Formula 1 feelings. He is hilarious, and his observations are great. Even if you aren’t a racing fan, his podcast is great. Bill Burr’s Malaysian GP rant is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while.

Starting next year, Formula 1 will move from NBC to ESPN. I’m going to guess that Fox didn’t offer a contract. ESPN has made it clear in recent years that they have no respect for auto racing fans. ESPN had to bring some kind of auto racing back, to boost their sagging ratings. NASCAR and the NHRA weren’t on the table, Formula 1 was on the table. Good luck ESPN, good luck Formula 1, you are going to need it.

Finally, there have been some shake ups in schedules for 2018. NASCAR has moved the Daytona 500 up a week. As a direct result, the next nine races have also moved up a week. The first Dover race has moved from June 4 to May 4. Chicagoland has moved from September to the first week in July, and the summer Daytona race has moved from the first week of July to the second week. Kentucky and New Hampshire have moved up one week. Charlotte’s second race has been moved up, and will use the road course instead of the oval course.

In Formula 1, France and Germany will both host new Grand Prix races. The Chinese and Bahrain Grands Prix have switched places on the new schedule. The Malaysian Grand Prix has been dropped from the schedule all together. IndyCar has decided to replace Watkins Glen with Portland. In the NHRA, the Route 66 Nationals and the New England Nationals have switched places, due to NASCAR’s schedule change.

That about does it for 2017. I will spend December working on projects, and will come back in January, ready to go. I look forward to seeing you then.

My Thoughts on The New Firefox

By David G. Firestone

We are all brand loyal. We all have our brands that we loyally support. We are also brand disloyal. We all have our brands that we avoid like the plague. Don’t try to tell me that you aren’t brand loyal and disloyal. For 35 years, we’ve had a GM car in our driveway, and Taster’s Choice coffee in our cupboard.

Every once in a while, something happens that forces us to change our minds and our ways. Sometimes it is because a company goes out of business. Other times it’s because the company changes the product so much that a brand loyal guy like me has to switch. That is exactly the situation I found myself in last week.

So Mozilla released a new version of Firefox this week, Firefox Quantum. They claim this new version is faster and doesn’t use as much memory, which sounds good. Being the loyal Firefox guy that I was, I decided to upgrade. This is a decision I would quickly regret. This new version of Firefox with the add ons that I use is so slow and uses up so much memory and CPU, that I couldn’t do the basic things I could with the older version.

I tried everything I could possibly do to make it work, but I finally had to admit defeat. So I then imported my bookmarks and settings to Google Chrome. With a similar set of add ons, I’ve had no problems with memory and CPU that I did with Firefox. So Firefox in making things “better” made it unusable, and now I’m no longer brand loyal to Firefox.

I don’t ask for much, but I want a browser that does what I need it to do without using 100% of memory and CPU. If it can’t do that, I won’t use it, simple as that. If I have an object that can’t do the one thing I need it to do, it makes no sense to keep it. A couple years ago, we got a new clothes dryer, because the old one wouldn’t dry the clothes, thereby making it useless.

So after years and years of using Firefox, I have made the change to Google Chrome, and it works the way that I want it to. So I see no reason to switch back. I don’t feel bad, and I don’t miss it. It’s just a browser in the end.

An Interview With Alexis DeJoria Revisited

By David G. Firestone

[Since Alexis has retired from racing, I’ve decided to revisit an interview I did with her earlier in the year.]

Though it was produced by Casa 7 Leguas, one of Mexico’s oldest distilleries for years, Tequila Patrón wasn’t always the high quality product we know today. In fact, for many years, it was more along the lines of bottom-shelf store brand tequila, that was consumed for intoxication, as opposed to flavor. That all changed in 2000. In 1989, St. Maarten Spirits, owned by John Paul DeJoria and Martin Crowley, purchased the rights to the brand.

In 2000, St. Maarten Spirits, hired Ed Brown as CEO. Brown realized that making the brand into a premium brand would increase sales. In 2002, the company moved production to a brand new facility. Inspired by Gray Goose ads, Tequila Patrón advertising began to promote the product as “premium” and it boasted “taste and sophistication.” Eventually, with a little help from Lil Jon, and other hip hop, and country singers, Tequila Patrón has not only become a fixture in the trendiest nightclubs and restaurants, but also a part of pop culture.

One other way Patrón Tequila boosts their product is through auto racing sponsorship. Tequila Patrón could be considered more devoted than most companies to auto racing. CEO Ed Brown is also a driver for Extreme Speed Motorsports, an FIA World Endurance Championship team, which races in the Weathertech SportsCar Championship. Brown and his team have won the 2014 Continental Tire Monterey Grand Prix, the 2016 Rolex 24 at Daytona, and the 2016 Mobil 1 Twelve Hours of Sebring.

Tequila Patrón’s other major racing sponsorship comes in the form of John Paul DeJoria’s daughter Alexis. Alexis DeJoria got her start in 2005 in the NHRA Sportsman division, first racing in Super Gas before moving to Super Comp, and winning the Sportsman Nationals. In 2006, she stared racing in Top Alcohol Funny Car, and by 2009, she had founded her own team, sponsored by Tequila Patrón.

2011 was a big year for Alexis. She scored her first win in Top Alcohol Funny Car at the 2011 NHRA Northwest Nationals, becoming the second woman to do so. She also got her nitro licensee, and joined Kalitta Motosports, driving the Tequila Patrón Toyota Funny Car. She had moderate success in 2012, and 2013.

2014 was her breakout year, winning the first race at Phoenix, the first race at Las Vegas, and the coveted US Nationals at Indianapolis. She also became the first woman to race a sub 4-second run, with a 3.998 run at Ponoma.

In 2015, Alexis didn’t have the same success as the previous year, making it to only one final round, losing to defending Funny Car champion Matt Hagan. She did make the Countdown to the Championship, finishing 8th in the standings. 2016 was looking to be a good year. She won the first Las Vegas race, and set personal ET and speed records at Topeka, where she ran a 3.875ET 332.18 MPH in Q2. Sadly, a broken pelvis at Toyota Sonoma Nationals, at Sonoma, and a concussion at the Toyota Nationals at Las Vegas stalled what could have been a championship season.

2017 has been a mixed bag for Alexis. She has had some good runs, and put up some good numbers. Though a family issue has forced her to miss a few events, she isn’t out of the championship picture yet. If Robert Hight can win the Funny Car championship from the 10th seed, Alexis can surely win too.

I was fortunate enough to be able to interview Alexis about her Funny Car uniform. After the Jack Beckman interview, I decided to take a bit of a different route, this time, more focusing on Alexis’ preferences, as opposed to trying to get as much general Funny Car uniform information. I’d also like to say a huge Thank You to Allison McCormick, who went above and beyond to help make this interview a reality! Without further ado, my interview with Alexis DeJoria:

Dave-What is your uniform setup for a race weekend, that is, how do you rotate suits, helmets, shoes, gloves, etc over a race weekend?

Alexis-I have two firesuits, two helmets, two sets of gloves, two pairs of shoes, two pairs of fire boots, and multiple pairs of carbonex underwear and tops. Throughout the race season, I go back and forth between the two suits. They get pretty dirty so I try not to wear one over and over again. I rotate between the two of them and at the end of the year, I sign them and auction them off for charity.

Dave-How long do driver gloves, shoes, and balaclavas tend to last?

Alexis-I’ve had my balaclavas and some of my carbonex underwear, tops and socks for a few years. I take really good care of my things. They do get pretty thrashed, but I take them home and wash them after every race and hang them to dry. Shoes, it just depends. I wear them until they have holes in them basically; until they’re no longer safe. Same goes for my gloves.

Dave-Some drivers black out parts of their helmet visor to cut down on distraction, which Jack Beckman referred to as “the Clydesdale effect.” I have noticed that you prefer to have your whole visor clear, have you tried the Clydesdale effect?

Alexis-I have not tried ‘the Clydesdale effect.’ For me personally, I like to be able to focus on the top end of the race track where I want to end up, but also still be able to see in my peripheral vision. For me it helps, especially on race day; I like to see and be prepared for whatever may happen.

Dave-You suffered a series of crashes during the season last year, and missed a number of races as a direct result. Did you have to modify your uniform

Alexis-No modifications to my uniform were made. There were some modifications done to the cockpit of the race car to make it safer in the event of something like that happening again. But no, as far as what I wear personally, there were no modifications.

Alexis was also kind enough to share some pictures of her racing uniform:Image by Gary Nastase

Images by William Lester

Alexis DeJoria has experienced a lot of ups and downs in her racing career. Her driving talent and her tenacity have helped her reach the Mello Yello Drag Racing Series. She is a popular driver, and having met her in person at Route 66, I can honestly say she is an amazing person. I would like to thank her, and Allison McCormick for helping make this happen!

My Thoughts On Ford’s NHRA Announcement

By David G. Firestone

A few weeks ago, I discussed Ford pulling out of the NHRA, and the resulting Camstang fiasco with John Force Racing. What I didn’t discuss was the fact that there are still drivers who are racing Ford Funny Car bodies, specifically Bob Tasca and Tim Wilkerson. I’ve noticed that their decals seem to evolve when the street Mustang changes design. I’ve been wondering if Ford has really pulled out of the sport.

Last week, I got my answer. Ford announced at the SEMA show that they were returning to the NHRA. The announcement stated that:

“Ford and its selected brands will sponsor Bob Tasca III and Tasca Racing for the entire season as the primary sponsor for 16 races, and as a co-sponsor the rest of the season, building on the company’s legacy of drag racing that dates back to the start of the sport.

“We’re excited about partnering with Tasca Racing and helping them return to NHRA for a championship run,” said Dave Pericak, global director, Ford Performance. “We believe we have the technology tools to help the team be competitive on the track long-term, and are looking forward to the effort starting in 2018.

“The Tasca family has always been a pioneer in racing, and a leader in Ford vehicle and parts sales for many decades,” said Pericak. “This partnership will only serve to strengthen that legacy.”

Um…so Ford is returning to the NHRA, but only sponsoring Bob Tasca? Why not bring in Tim Wilkerson? Why not bring in a driver who has shown he can win multiple races over the course of a season? Why focus only on Tasca? Tasca has 4 Funny Car wins, Wilkerson has 20 Funny Car wins. I don’t see the point in not bringing Wilkerson in to the group.

I also don’t see why Ford couldn’t bring in another full-time team. Why not Jim Dunn Racing? JDR is a team that has been spinning their wheels for some time, but they are a passionate team, with a good driver, so why not try to bring them on? Ford could have brought on two teams, and given themselves a lot to work with, but they chose to focus on the wrong horse here. I just don’t get it.

Ford’s half-assing their return to the NHRA really makes little sense, but what makes even less sense is why they pulled out in the first place. Their NASCAR program hasn’t been a stellar success. Ford has won 4 Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series championships since 1980, and their last championship came in 2004. Their Xfinity Series program is good, but their Truck Series is a disaster. Their NHRA program had the most success of their racing programs, and they had to kill it off for no good reason. Then when the do bring it back, they back the wrong horse…Nice job guys!

My Thoughs on Shopping Malls…Revisited

By David G. Firestone

[Editor’s note:Been a little busy this week, so I decided to go into the archives and pull out one from quite a few years ago…enjoy!]

Admittedly, I do not go to shopping malls all that often. The mall houses the biggest collection of douchebags on the planet, and I try to avoid it at all costs. I’ve gone to the mall 3 times in the last year, and I get annoyed by things every time. This last weekend, I spend the bulk of my weekend at the mall trying to finish my shopping. After spending more time than a human being ever should in a shopping mall, I have a number of observations from my last 3 times…

*To the girl being questioned by security, I hope you have an explanation for the fact that there is a dress clearly visible wadded up under your shirt.

*Jet black pantyhose do not qualify as pants.

*If the pockets on your shorts stick out underneath the end of your shorts, that is proof you did them yourself. I have a hard time believing that stores would sell that

*To the Windows 8 phone display…some free advice:Your display is to sell phones, but you have a guitar leaning on a chair in front of a laser beam background, but you have no phones to be seen…am I missing something here?

*To any store who’s business model is some variation of “Selling things that smell nice,” some free advice:If I can smell you three stores away, or one floor above, tone it down!

*If you pay more that $35 for a t-shirt, or buy a shirt from a store that only sells merchandise with its own name and/or logo on it, please shoot yourself.

*To the dead sea minerals stand, If I walk by you 3 times, and all 3 times, I ignore you entirely, what the hell makes you think anything will change the 4th time? If it was the hot girl with the sexy accent I met last time, I would listen, but a 34 year old man with frosted tips, and an Abercrombe shirt won’t work.

*To the toy kiosk, You know how I can tell you sell knockoffs? The characters names are misspelled on the package. It’s Lightning McQueen, not Lighetning McKween.

*I don’t know where “Hilfiger University” is, but I’m willing to bet it is on the same campus as Douchebag Tech.

*If you are going to go to a mall in a 3-piece suit to get something to eat, aim a little higher than McDonald’s…Go A&W or higher.

*You can get cell phone service on top of Mount Everest, but I can’t get a bar when I am standing next to the Disney Store…

*This one is more of a legit question…To the car dealer(s) who have models on display in a shopping mall…do you do anything to the car after parking it in the mall to keep people from stealing it? I would guess you take the battery out, but anything else?

*To the woman I met outside of Macy’s…if you are that drunk and the sun is out you need help…seriously.

*If you walk into a Chicago Cubs store wearing White Sox, Brewers or Cardinals gear, please punch yourself in the face as hard as you can.

*To the woman who offered me this new “makeup for men” I really hope you have a backup plan for when this business venture fails.

*”I’m going to the Swatch Store!” said no one in the last 20 years.

*Sears has something called the Kardashian Kollection, because having the Kim Kardashian Kollection doesn’t exactly look good on a sign…

*The Kardashian Kollection…for women who want to dress like skanks but shop at a reputable establishment.

*Cologne sold in a cigar tube…makes as much sense as selling shaving cream in a pink rubber duck.

*Why the fuck does McDonalds have a meeting room?

*Exactly how many soft pretzel stands does one mall need exactly? I’m pretty sure 3 is too many.

*Would someone please set fire to the Crocs store?

*Mini golf, with black lights, and spinning flashing strobes…Do they charge extra for getting sick? It must happen a lot.

*To the bimbo who is standing behind me, allow me to answer your question…it is cold outside because it is winter in Chicago. You are the one who chose to wear a mini-skirt so shut up!

*I love how the M&Ms reps handing out samples while wearing NASCAR shirts looked at me funny because I’m wearing a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup NASCAR jacket.

*This mall has 3 pretzel stands, 3 places to get tea, 4 coffee shops, 9 places that specialize in desert, and 35 places in total to buy food, but not one store has a decent big and tall selection.

*3 Sunglasses Huts? 3?

*A used clothing store in an indoor mall? Why?

*To Frederick’s of Hollywood, if you don’t like guys staring in the windows, don’t put pictures of women in erotic lingerie near the windows.

*If I could walk from one part of the mall to another without being asked to upgrade my smartphone, that’d be great.

*J. Crew is still in business? I haven’t heard of that brand in years.

*I love how in the description of Lush there is an asterisk after “organic”

*It’s funny how the laundromat down the street from my house has a bill acceptor that can accept $5 bills, yet the newest, most advanced vending machines this mall has to offer can only accept singles…especially for a $2.25 soda.

*Males should never shop in a women’s clothing store for a wife or a girlfriend. One of two things will occur. Either they will buy something in the wrong size, or something that the owner of the store never dreamed they would sell to someone who has working vision.

*To the youth of America, underwear belongs INSIDE your clothes…that is why they call it underwear. I should never have to see anyone’s underwear in a public situation. Learn how to dress.

*There is nothing illegal about not wearing shorts when it is cold outside. Saturday was 16 degrees outside, why are you wearing shorts?

*To Bath and Body Works, The Body Shop, L’Occitane, or any other store that sells scented things, is there a clause in your lease that forces you to pay to have the space cleaned after you leave? If I can smell your store from the floor above, or 3 stores away, I’m willing to bet the scent doesn’t leave quietly.

*A meeting room at McDonald’s? Why would you ever need a meeting room at McDonald’s?

*Who’s bright idea was it to have the 10th largest mall in the United States to only have 4 public bathrooms, one of which can only hold 3 people at a time?

*Free stuff rules no matter how old you are!

*So you brought your elderly mother to a shopping mall on a Saturday during the Christmas rush, and you are shocked she was overwhelmed?

*A group of young teenage girls ran up to a man in his 40’s and asked to take a picture with him because they like his shirt, and they couldn’t understand why he was uncomfortable.

*$300 for a pair of sneakers, $150 for a shirt, a pair of earrings for $200, this is why I don’t shop at Nordstrom.

*Could someone explain to me why Abercrombe and Fitch does not have windows in their stores? Do they want someone to see their clothes from outside and come in and buy them?

*Why does Auntie Anne’s have a Twitter feed?

*Guys, your shirts come with a top button for a reason, no one wants to see your chest. Please start using them.

*Since when did remote control helicopters become a hot item?

*Windows has a retail store? All we need is an Android store and the trifecta will be complete!

*I can upgrade to an iPhone 4 for $35 or buy a cracked one for $65…what will I chose?

*and finally…The Nestle Toll House Cafe has awesome cookies, why aren’t there any more of these in Chicago?