Category: my thoughts on

The First News Stories of 2025!

By David G. Firestone

So I’m back from winter break. Santa dropped a new laptop and some parking meters down the chimney this year. I’ve been following a few stories, and I’m going to discuss them. Since the various filings about the NASCAR anti-trust are in legal terms, which are hogwash to me, I’ll hold off on talking about them until later.

Let’s talk about IndyCar, specifically the race at Thermal. The 2024 edition was a shit show, and that’s putting it nicely. The prize money didn’t materialize as hoped, so it was only a $500,000 race as opposed to a $1 million race. Ticket sales were abysmal, due to high ticket prices, and general apathy about IndyCar. The race itself didn’t go over well, with teams, drivers, sponsors, and fans all talking about how bad it was

So you are IndyCar, and you are planning a new season for 2025. You have a deal with Thermal for a 2025 race, what do you do? Well, IndyCar literally didn’t learn a single lesson, and is planning the same event, but in a different year. At the time of writing, it’s back to a $1 million race, no points, just money.

What the fuck? Last year’s event was a certified dud. Nobody liked it. It simply didn’t work. If at first you don’t succeed…WHY? WHY AGAIN? Sure, it failed in every way it could, and yet doing the exact same race in 2025 will somehow yield different results…how does that work?

I’m going to give IndyCar an idea that could save the race. This could be a million dollar idea. Here goes: Take the Thermal race, make it an all-star race, and gimmick the hell out of it. It goes something like this: Every driver who won a race in 2024, and all former champions are locked in. The drivers on the outside will race in a series of heat races, and the winners get into the main event. Qualifying is also done through heat races. The races are a series of races, with new tires and fuel added at the end of each stage.

Sound familiar? This is how the Busch Clash and All-Star races are held in NASCAR. Every all-star game is a gimmick at this point, so why shouldn’t IndyCar follow suit? The marketing writes itself: “The best of the best in IndyCar racing at the most exclusive race track in the United States with a million dollars up for grabs.” Seriously, that would work wonders to get people in the door, and watching on TV?

When Roger Penske took over IndyCar, lots of people, myself included, were optimistic that IndyCar would change for the better. Sadly, it’s become clear that this is another case of “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.” IndyCar continues to stagnate, and, unless some new things are tried, it will continue to stagnate. Sadly, I fail to see any change on the horizon, and I hold out little hope.

Now we move on to wrestling, because a couple of things happened while I was away. First off, WWE revived Saturday Night’s Main Event. The big theme with this version is nostalgia. It was meant to bring back memories of some of the best events of year’s past. It sounds cool on the outside, but it does raise some issues.

First off, nostalgia in sports is a double-edged sword. I’m not saying that it’s truly a bad thing, but in sports where their best years are behind them, all it does is to bring back memories of how much better things were. NASCAR has had this problem for years. They aren’t good at marketing and making stars, so throwbacks and nostalgia serves to remind fans how good things to be.

Pro wrestling is even worse. Wrestling constantly moves forward, not backward. What was good in 1984, and 1994, doesn’t really fly as well in 2024. But the other issue is much more prevalent in 2024.

Wrestling is coming to terms with the fact that many of the wrestlers were very problematic, be it behind the scenes, or after their careers ended. For example, this most recent Saturday’s Night Main Event featured Jessie “The Body” Ventura. Ventura is a notable personality, and was the governor of Minnesota. He is also a right-wing crackpot conspiracy theorist.

Of the other commentators, most are dead, or are so problematic that WWE can’t bring them back. Hulk Hogan is so problematic, WWE can’t bring him back, as is the case with Vince McMahon. It’s amazing how awful these legends are. This is not limited to WWE, as even wrestlers who weren’t in WWE are now being seen as the horrible people that they are.

WWE didn’t do themselves any favors, given all the lawsuits they are currently facing due to actions of their staff and leadership. Focusing on the present is a much better strategy than focusing on the past, as far as wrestling is concerned.

Now we move on to a big wrestling story, this one from TNA Wrestling. At Final Resolution at Center Stage in Atlanta, The System, a team consisting of Brian Myers and Eddie Edwards, faced The Hardys, Matt and Jeff for the TNA World Tag Team Championship, with the Hardys retaining the championship.

During the event, an incident between Edwards and a fan occurred. I will take this description of the event from Cageside Seats:

“Edwards competed alongside Brian Myers in a tables match against the Hardys at Final Resolution (Dec. 13, 2024). The crowd was hostile toward the System and vocalized several chants with curse words. One fan in particular must have muttered something uncouth, then he flipped the bird. Edwards took exception and knocked the fan’s beverage out of his hand. The fan reacted with a slap across the cheek. Edwards retaliated with a much crisper slap to the face. Officials intervened to make sure the incident didn’t go any further, and security escorted the fan out of the building.

This fan didn’t appear to be a plant for story-line purposes. After the knucklehead move, the fan didn’t put up any resistance in his forced departure from ringside. Edwards brushed it off and carried on with the match.”

Look, I get that heels are supposed to get heat with the crowd. I get that heels should be seen as the evil bad guys. However, under no circumstances should the heel physically confront a fan unless in self-defense. If a fan jumps the rail, then the wrestler can defend themselves. In this case, words being exchanged is NOT a reason for either party to slap the other.

This could have severe repercussions for TNA. Lawsuits could be filed against Eddie Edwards, TNA, and more critically, the venue. Venues do NOT like having to deal with lawsuits from fans over incidents like this, and I’m willing to bet that this will cause issues with TNA and Center Stage.

I’m not defending Edwards, and I’m not defending the fan, both parties are equally guilty. I’m saying that this whole thing was handled badly by everyone involved. You are allowed to cheer and boo as you please, but do NOT physically involve yourself with the wrestlers, you will get arrested, and may get beaten. Alternatively, any wrestler who physically assaults a fan could open the door to a lot of legal issues. It’s just not worth it.

This has been an issue in wrestling for decades, and recent events are compounding the issue. I really don’t agree with any attack, but stupid people do stupid shit.

With that, I finish this week’s episode, and I will continue with news stories next week.

Sources Cited:

https://www.cagesideseats.com/2024/12/14/24320992/eddie-edwards-slaps-fan-incident-tna-final-resolution-2024-kicked-out-local-police-no-script-reacts

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Final_Resolution_(2024)

My Thoughts On The NASCAR Anti-Trust Lawsuit

By David G. Firestone

I’ve been thinking about the NASCAR anti-trust lawsuit. The question that’s come before this whole thing is “Is NASCAR a monopoly?” Well, the obvious answer is yes, it clearly is. But the bigger question that should be discussed is “is that a bad thing?” From where I sit, I say that it isn’t. Now before you light your torches and gather your pitchforks, just hear me out.

Let’s say we are living in an alternative timeline where stock car racing exists , but NASCAR never gets founded. What would happen? Either another sanctioning body becomes what NASCAR currently is, or something like the National Wrestling Alliance forms, but instead of wrestling territories, it oversees regional stock car groups. In either event, both entities would be critical to the sport’s survival.

One of the big issues that NASCAR has and is dealing with are bad racing promoters. Guys and gals who will promise stock car racing to make a quick buck off the fans, and then disappear with the cash. This was one of the reasons NASCAR was a necessary evil. Before regulation, there were a lot of promoters and track owners who were seedy to the umpteenth degree, and NASCAR rooted them out. This is also the case for teams, drivers, owners, sponsors, and various other things related to the sport.

Is NASCAR perfect in this respect? Absolutely not. However, it has done a good enough job to keep the bad elements out and keep the sport legitimate. It’s the same no matter what sport you are talking about. Say what you want about the NFL, NBA, NHL, MLB or whoever, at the end of the day, they are all tasked with keeping the sport in line, the good elements in, and the bad elements out. Sometimes individuals might get thrown under the bus, but that happens in every industry.

At the end of the day, it’s NASCAR’s sandbox. You might want to play, but they own the box, and they own the sand. If you think you know better, go ahead and try, but it probably won’t work. NASCAR will always put the product over the teams should the situation warrant, and sometimes that won’t work out well for some.

Now, when it gets to 23XI and Front Row, they need to consider this: Did you really, after everything that happened, think you could possibly force NASCAR to capitulate to better terms? How? How did you think this would go? There were years of fruitless negotiations between NASCAR and the teams, and the final deal was the best you could get. The fact that two teams had the idea that they could force NASCAR to renegotiate the contract after everyone else fell in line is baffling. This was not a good situation, but two teams trying and failing to get blood from a stone is just moronic.

I have no idea when it became the individual employee over the company, but it is not a smart idea. The overwhelming majority of employees in companies are expendable. If a company can fire the CEO, you honestly think you aren’t getting sacked? I can get sacked at any time. I’m replaceable, you’re replaceable, we all are! If KFC can survive without Harland Sanders, you think you are secure? NASCAR existed long before Front Row Motorsports and 23XI Racing existed. They aren’t as critical to the existence of NASCAR as they think, and if they go under, they will be replaced. Sometimes, you just have to cut your losses, suck it up, and sign the deal.

Another detail that has come to light is that, as part of the proceedings, sponsors can leave the teams. Well, this is another aspect where Front Row and 23XI should be worried. This isn’t 1996 anymore. Sponsors aren’t as loyal as they once were. If they feel like they won’t get the exposure, a better option is available, and they can leave, they will. This is compounded by the fact that, as I’ve discussed, sponsorship money isn’t as plentiful as it once was. If I am an employee of Front Row, or 23XI, I’m thinking positive, but getting my resume ready…it might come in handy sooner rather than later.

All in all, this whole situation is a mess, and I don’t think that the teams will come out on top here. If that’s the case, than they will join the ever growing list of defunct teams in NASCAR. It sucks, but life is unfair, and the sooner you accept it, the better.

With that, I’m done, and now we’re going to switch to the Paint Scheme Awards for next week.

My Thoughts On Isle Of Mann TT TV Broadcasts

By David G. Firestone

I try to be reasonable, but I have my limits. Every year, I watch Isle of Mann TT motorcycle racing. Every year, I get annoyed with the in-house television coverage show on what is now Motor Trend Television. But this year, it was so bad, I had to stop watching for a few days. I have no idea who produced this years Isle of Mann, but apparently, they aren’t racing fans.

I get that during a televised event, you want to explain to new viewers some of the technical aspects of the track, bikes, and weather. I also get that you want to interview drivers about their outlook on the race. I have no problem with any of that. What I have a major problem with is how they went about doing this. They set this up in the worst way for several episodes this year.

The telecasts are one hour long, for a total of 60 minutes. These telecasts feature one race, that amounts to about 35 minutes of that. The other 25 minutes are the above mentioned segments and commercial breaks. The way they did several episodes this year were almost unwatchable. The first 20 minutes of several telecasts were talking segments and commercials. I’m watching on the DVR so I can skip these, but if you were watching the telecast at broadcast time, your stuck. I don’t know about other people, but I would change the channel long before the action began.

What makes this even more frustrating is that racing TV numbers are on the rise in the US. I don’t know what the ratings for Isle of Mann TT are, but the can’t be great to begin with. Then to have a pointlessly unwatchable telecast is driving viewers off even more. Racing fans don’t want to sit through 20 minutes of talking to start a 60 minute telecast.

Granted, not all episodes were like this, but the few that were couldn’t have been popular with fans. I will watch Isle of Mann next year, and when I do, if they pull this shit again, I’m done! You have been warned!

My Thoughts On Tuesday Night Pro Stock

By David G. Firestone

With all the changes that the NHRA has made to Pro Stock in the last few years, I have one question: Does the NHRA want Pro Stock to die? Based on everything I’ve been seeing, it would appear so. Let’s take a look at the changes

In 2015, it was announced that the naturally aspirated engines would be replaced by an electronic fuel injection engine. This was to be implemented in the 2016 season. The result was making them look more like their showroom counterparts. The hood scoops were popular among fans, so this didn’t sit well.

In the few months between 2015 and 2016, the teams were scrambling to assemble the new engines, which left very little time for off-season testing. Only one team, Ken Black Racing realized that dyno testing would be an effective replacement. For 2016, and 2017, the category was dominated by KB Racing.

2018 saw a desperate flailing of the NHRA to fix their own mistake. This came in the form of changing the long standing rule that the body and engine had to be made in the same shop. With the new rule, any eligible body/engine combo was acceptable. A new television package was announced, as was a shorter Pro Stock season, but nothing was made of it during the 2018 season.

The 2018 season saw a much better season, with numerous winners, and a good championship battle. While that was a great season, there were some issues. 2017 Champion Bo Butner, and 2018 Champion Tanner Gray announced they were leaving the sport at the end of the season. Butner would later change his mind, and would rejoin the category due to the shortened season.

2019 saw a decent start to the season. The on-track racing was good, and competitive. But the NHRA had to find a way to screw it up. Fox Sports decided, for reasons that escape me, that it would be a good thing to only show Top Fuel and Funny Car on some Sunday telecasts, and Pro Stock on Tuesday nights.

This has pissed off fans to no end, myself included. In addition to the pointless tape delay, Tuesday night is a major night for major television programs. So, if you like to watch different things, as most people do, you have to chose between normal programming or Pro Stock. Above and beyond that, I can’t imagine that the TV rating were great. The Sunday telecasts are good for ratings, so the new format isn’t going to work.

My take here is the basic logic that “if it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it.” The NHRA has expended so much effort fixing a non-broken Pro Stock, that the damage is such that the category will only continue to suffer. The reduced season, and the new television deal are steps in the wrong direction, and I can’t imagine that the NHRA wants to walk back to what works…which is sad.

My Thoughts On My Thoughts On

By David G. Firestone

This will be the last My Thoughts On for a while. I’m getting tired of waking up on Mondays and getting mad that I have to write one of these. I will occasionally write a new My Thoughts On in the event of site updates, but it’s pretty much dead. I’m working on too many things right now, and I need to drop something. So this is it for My Thoughts On.

My Thoughts On The Current Situation In NASCAR

By David G. Firestone

Last weekend, our neighborhood had our block party. The weather was overcast and cool. Last weekend was also a bad weekend to be a racing fan. NASCAR got rained out at Indianapolis. The weather at Indy was a perfect metaphor for the outlook NASCAR. The news that Furniture Row Racing will cease operations after 2018 is proof that NASCAR has a serious problem on their hands. The writing has been on the wall for some time, but fans don’t want to read it. After this announcement, fans don’t have that choice. The finances behind the sport are such that a championship caliber team can’t get a regular sponsor, and will have to close due to lack of funds.

This news sent the clear message that there will have to be major changes to NASCAR if the sport is to remain competitive. As I enjoyed deviled eggs and the bratwurst at the block party, I began to think about what changes could be made to keep the sport competitive and keep smaller teams alive. I came to the conclusion that the following changes should be made.

1-A serious reduction in the schedule needs to be made. If you add up all of the Cup Series races, including the Clash, Duel Races, and All-Star events, it adds up to 41 different races. The auto racing boom is officially over. What I would do is take every mile and a half track, and have only one event there per year. This would reduce the costs for the smaller teams, and give teams more non-track time to work cars, and get sponsorship deals.

2-A team cost cap would need to be added. The larger teams can spend more, because they have more money. Adding a cap would close that gap, and give the smaller teams a fighting chance. This more level playing field will make the races more competitive.

3-The series sponsorship would include a rule that other companies from the same field could sponsor cars. In a sport where sponsorship is the lifeblood, scaring away sponsorship opportunities is just not a good plan.

4-More access to drivers, and more show car appearances. Why this stopped, I have no idea, but fans love show cars. They used to be everywhere during the lead up to races. Bring them back. Also, drivers should do more autograph appearances in the lead up to a race. Again, connecting with the fans is a good thing.

These are all doable, they would work, and they could help bring the sport back to a lot of the fans. I’m not saying they will work, but at this point, its worth a shot.

My Thoughts On Trivia Time Part 2

By David G. Firestone

Last week I posted trivia questions, this week, here are the answers:

I’m going to change this up a bit. For this week, I’m going to do a true/false trivia post. Without further ado…here we go!

Category 1-SPORTS

*Houston and Pittsburgh are the only two cities with with three sports teams that wear the same colors.

False! Pittsburgh does, Houston doesn’t.

*Nolan Ryan has 839 more strikeouts than any other pitcher in MLB history

True

*Former Offensive Tackle Ron Mix had two holding penalties in 10 years, and had his number retired and unretired by the Chargers.

True

*Before Game 3 of the 1992 Campbell Conference Finals, the on-ice officiating crew walked out of the game due to a dispute over New Jersey Devils coach Jim Schoenfeld.

False-This debacle took place during the 1988 Wales Conference Finals

*Yao Ming has the largest wingspan in NBA history

False-That honor goes to Manute Bol.

Category 2-CARS

*The Pontiac Aztec was named the ugliest car in history by The Daily Telegraph

True

*Changing the size of the wheels on a vehicle will have no ill effects of the other equipment on board

False-The dash gauges and engine settings will be very much effected by changing the size of the wheels.

*The Toyota Corolla has sold more than any other car in history.

True-The Corolla has sold 43 million units worldwide…equal to the population of Algeria.

*The Volkswagen Beetle has been continually produced in some form since 1933

True

*The Bugatti Veyron Super Sport currently holds the record as the fastest production car in the world with a top speed of 267 MPH

True

Category 3-BARBEQUE

*According to experts “grilling” is the same as “barbecuing”

False-Grilling involves cooking meat over charcoal or a gas grill, where it cooks quickly. “Barecuing” is cooking meat slowly, using a smoker, or a wood fire.

*A traditional central South Carolina Barbecue consists of cooking a whole hog in a mustard-based sauce commonly referred to as “Carolina Gold.”

*“Oklahoma-Style Barbecue” is made with elements of Memphis, Texas and Kansas City style, and uses among other things bologna sausage.

True

*The International Bar-B-Q Festival in Owensboro Kentucky holds the World Record for Largest Pork Barbecue Contest.

False-No such record exists.

*KC Masterpiece was not invented in Kansas City, but rather in St. Paul Minnesota. The inventor was inspired by Kansas City barbecue traditions.

False- KC Masterpiece was invented in Kansas City by Richard E. “Rich” Davis M.D.

Category 4-ALCOHOL

*Although not a law anymore, the “Reinheitsgebot” or German Purity Law has been observed since 1516, and states that beer made in Germany may only contain hops, barley, and water.

True

*Jack Daniel’s is produced in Moore County, Tennessee, which is a dry county, which means Jack Daniel’s can’t be sold in stores or restaurants in the county it is produced in.

True

*Miller Lite was tested in Dallas Texas and Seattle Washington in 1970

False-Though its development can be traced to 1967, Miller Lite was first tested in Springfield, Illinois, Knoxville, and San Diego in 1973.

*Bud Light is the most consumed beer in the world

False-While Bud Light is the most consumed American beer in the world, Chinese brand Snow is the most consumed beer in the world.
*It is illegal to show people drinking the product in any televised alcohol commercial in the United States.

True

My Thoughts On Trivia Time!

By David G. Firestone

I’m going to change this up a bit. For this week, I’m going to do a true/false trivia post. Without further ado…here we go!

Category 1-SPORTS

*Houston and Pittsburgh are the only two cities with with three sports teams that wear the same colors.

*Nolan Ryan has 839 more strikeouts than any other pitcher in MLB history

*Former Offensive Tackle Ron Mix had two holding penalties in 10 years, and had his number retired and unretired by the Chargers.

*Before Game 3 of the 1992 Campbell Conference Finals, the on-ice officiating crew walked out of the game due to a dispute over New Jersey Devils coach Jim Schoenfeld

*Yao Ming has the largest wingspan in NBA history

Category 2-CARS

*The Pontiac Aztec was named the ugliest car in history by The Daily Telegraph

*Changing the size of the wheels on a vehicle will have no ill effects of the other equipment on board

*The Toyota Carolla has sold more than any other car in history

*The Volkswagen Beetle has been continually produced in some form since 1933

*The Bugatti Veyron Super Sport currently holds the record as the fastest production car in the world with a top speed of 267 MPH

Category 3-BARBEQUE

*According to experts “grilling” is the same as “barbecuing”

*A traditional central South Carolina Barbecue consists of cooking a whole hog in a mustard-based sauce commonly referred to as “Carolina Gold.”

*“Oklahoma-Style Barbecue” is made with elements of Memphis, Texas and Kansas City style, and uses among other things bologna sausage.

*The International Bar-B-Q Festival in Owensboro Kentucky holds the World Record for Largest Pork Barbecue Contest.

*KC Masterpiece was not invented in Kansas City, but rather in St. Paul Minnesota. The inventor was inspired by Kansas City barbecue traditions.

Category 4-ALCOHOL

*Although not a law anymore, the “Reinheitsgebot” or German Purity Law has been observed since 1516, and states that beer made in Germany may only contain hops, barley, and water.

*Jack Daniel’s is produced in Moore County, Tennessee, which is a dry county, which means Jack Daniel’s can’t be sold in stores or restaurants in the county it is produced in.

*Miller Lite was tested in Dallas Texas and Seattle Washington in 1970

*Bud Light is the most consumed beer in the world.

*It is illegal to show people drinking the product in any televised alcohol commercial in the United States.

My Thoughts On A Few Things

By David G. Firestone

Got a couple things this week. Let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way first. Last Sunday, Brian France was arrested for DUI while driving under the influence of alcohol and painkillers. He has since taken a leave of absence from NASCAR due to this issue. This has apparently been an issue with France for some time, and now there are rumors that he might leave the sport, either willingly or otherwise.

What amazes me is that people are defending France. I’m not going to say a specific name, but one individual said “we all have skeletons in our closet.” You’re right, I do have skeletons in my closet. But I’m not driving under the influence. I’m also not addicted to alcohol or painkillers. I’m also not the top individual at the biggest racing sanctioning body in North America. My skeletons aren’t on the same level as Brian France.

There is another part to this. Brian France has made a lot of bad moves and decisions over the years, and the sport has suffered as a result. It’s been time for him to go for a while. Television ratings and race attendance have fallen steadily over the last few years. The sport hasn’t advanced that much. While marketing has been improved somewhat, it’s not where it needs to be. The bottom line is that the man who’s inaction is responsible for this decline has temporarily left the sport. I hope he doesn’t return, and the sport can recover. Call me a jerk, but most NASCAR fans agree with me.

Toyota and Ford have both debuted new cars for 2019. The Mustang will replace the Fusion in 2019 in the Cup Series, and in the Xfinity Series, the Supra will replace the Camry. This is no real shock. The Camry has been seen as the bland cousin of the Mustang and Camaro in the Xfinity Series. This new car will bring more eyes on Toyota. The Mustang in the Cup Series is a good move, since it works with the theme. Hopefully we’ll see the Supra in the Cup series soon.

The last issue I want to discuss is based on an opinion column I read on CNN entitled “A woman’s lament: Please don’t grow an effing beard.” It’s a woman talking about why she doesn’t like men with beards. She comes across as a vain, self-centered narcissist, who thinks she will convince men to shave their beards, or not grow one at all after reading this. What guys should do after reading this is laugh at her.

I will not address her by her real name, but I’ll call her Lorelei Lee. If you have seen the musical or movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes you will get the reference instantly. Miss Lee doesn’t like beards. I won’t get to the reason why just yet. If you want to pour yourself a drink, now would be a good time.

Ok, so the article starts off by Lorelei stating that Gillette is facing a financial crisis because men aren’t shaving as much. She then sympathies with Gillette, and then proceeds to write the following: “By and large, and there are exceptions, I am not keen on beards. I am well aware that after this admission, many people may become substantially less keen on me, and I totally understand. I am happy to own my hypocrisy. If a dude (or anyone) criticized my hairstyle, I’d say it was none of their damn business. I fully appreciate that my opinions on this, like an optimistic teen’s cack-handed five o’clock shadow, are flimsy and borne of limited experience. Disclaimer done, let the alienation begin in earnest.”

That should prove who Lorelei Lee really is. She has no problem lecturing guys on growing beards, but don’t you dare criticize her looks. She also admits she has no problem being a hypocrite. With admissions like that, why should you read any further? Well things get crazier from there.

She then discusses the stages of beard growth. It starts with one of her “friends,” who I think aren’t real, or males who associate with her, because they have no other choice but to. When these “friends” say they are going to grow a beard, supposedly, “In every instance, I respond with sensitivity (mine): “Please don’t grow an effing beard.” Which is such a great line that she thought it should be the title.

Then Lorelei offers up this little gem: “The second is the Ignoring Me — sorry, the Growth phase.” Let me explain something here, not to just Lorelei Lee, but to most women in general: Unless we are sleeping with you, we don’t care what you think about our appearance. Every stage in the beard growth stages is the Ignoring You stage.

She then adds “The third stage is the It’s For A Movie phase. Because that is how anyone with taste would explain away the mess gradually obscuring any indication of bone structure beneath.” What that means is left to interpretation, as she doesn’t add any more than that before moving on.

The fourth stage is when the guys are happy and she admits defeat. This battle was one sided, She had no business starting said battle. She wasn’t going to win regardless, but she is humble enough to admit defeat. Let’s give her a hand!

Lorelei then proceeds to try to explain why beards have come back in style. Apparently she Googled “Why are beards popular?” and just started writing the results as factual information. She then tries and fails to make it seem as though men a growing beards as a way of showing dominance over each other. If you are going to try to make that connection, at least make it work.

Her next line is “In lieu of any more academic research of my own, I asked an incredibly biased, nonrepresentative group of men (my friends) why they like their beards.” First off, Googling a topic, and then linking an article that helps prove your point is not what I would call “ academic research.” Second, are these are the same group of “friends” who you referenced earlier? The same group of “friends” who justifiably ignored you when you asked them not to grow beards? If so…why do they hang out with you? You aren’t a major part of their lives to begin with, and I can’t imagine them enjoying your constant beard-bashing.

The two reasons she got by those who responded to her questioning, were “I look really young without a beard.” and “because I can.” When it comes to the first response, she tries to make it seem as though men want to look “established” when in reality, a lot of men don’t really like how being clean shaven makes them look, especially me. For “because I can” she offers up this:

“As a deeply self-indulgent person, I find this difficult to argue. I get the gratification that must arise from seeing your body comfortably execute something it was (says through gritted teeth) built to do. The path of least resistance is tempting on rushed mornings before work, and if a lot of guys would rather steal a few minutes more in bed in the morning than shave, I’d struggle to find a compelling counterpoint.”

You don’t need to remind us that you are deeply self-indulgent, that’s been the premise of this whole column. Second, nothing you have said has a “compelling counterpoint.” This column is just word after word of a selfish narcissist wondering why the men of the world won’t comply with her standards of attractiveness. At the tail end, she finally reveals why she doesn’t like beards, and her reasoning is pretty much what you would expect: “But realistically, the answer is more superficial: I don’t like your beard because I really like your face, and I want an uninterrupted view of it.”

Wait…what? “I really like your face, and I want an uninterrupted view of it.” What the fuck does that even mean? It’s a beard, not a balaclava! After a column of hypocrisy, self-centered whining, dubious research, and a premise that was questionable to begin with, “I really like your face, and I want an uninterrupted view of it” is the best reason she could come up with for why the men of the world shouldn’t grow beards.

I could understand her hatred of beards if she had a bad experience with a man with a beard. I could even understand if she pointed out that beards can be unhygienic. Her “reason” for hating beards is just as flimsy as her arguments against beards. What scares me is that she genuinely thinks that men are going to be swayed by this. Like there is a guy who is on the fence about growing a beard, and this is what pushes him off the edge. Every man who read this is either laughing, or is mocking her, or both. I really hope I never hear from Lorelei Lee on the subject of beards again.